Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
What if...
What if I created over 100 blogs...? ... (day dreams)
I want to make a new one already, where people could write in and ask for suggestions about their life, where people could find resources for solving their problems. Not that I have everything figured out yet (obviously)... (thinking some more)
I think it's that I feel really empowered to change my life, and I wish I could share that.
After all of these posts, I really only have 1 part of my daily life figured out - general cleaning and dinners.
I get home, and I pick up my main 3 areas. It now takes me about 5 minutes. Then we do dinner and dishes together. So, I've changed 2 hours of my day.
And I'm a different person. Already it's becoming habit. It's at the point where I don't dread it any more, it's just part of my day. It's like getting up and brushing my teeth.
It didn't always work like that, and I think I figured out why with help from the counselor. She said that we have to do what works for us, literally. Seems simple, but it's not at all. I tend to make big changes that drastically affect our lives, without taking into consideration mine or Mark's lifestyle.
I think it's key to make small changes that actually fit into our lives. And it's so hard to figure out what those changes are until we try them.
The counselor couldn't believe how much happier we seemed - after just 2 weeks of changing our evening routine. The funny thing is that, the point was to just get dinner, dishes, and cleaning done, but it turned into the perfect way to spend time together, and a time to recognize that each one of us was contributing to the household. It made us a better couple in just 2 weeks.
So now I'm working on tweaking other areas of our lives. Already, I've exercised every day this week. It's been tricky, but it is working. I'm not sure I've found the perfect place for exercising in my routine right now, but it's close, and I feel like I have the power to change and adapt to make my life exactly what I want it to be.
I want to make a new one already, where people could write in and ask for suggestions about their life, where people could find resources for solving their problems. Not that I have everything figured out yet (obviously)... (thinking some more)
I think it's that I feel really empowered to change my life, and I wish I could share that.
After all of these posts, I really only have 1 part of my daily life figured out - general cleaning and dinners.
I get home, and I pick up my main 3 areas. It now takes me about 5 minutes. Then we do dinner and dishes together. So, I've changed 2 hours of my day.
And I'm a different person. Already it's becoming habit. It's at the point where I don't dread it any more, it's just part of my day. It's like getting up and brushing my teeth.
It didn't always work like that, and I think I figured out why with help from the counselor. She said that we have to do what works for us, literally. Seems simple, but it's not at all. I tend to make big changes that drastically affect our lives, without taking into consideration mine or Mark's lifestyle.
I think it's key to make small changes that actually fit into our lives. And it's so hard to figure out what those changes are until we try them.
The counselor couldn't believe how much happier we seemed - after just 2 weeks of changing our evening routine. The funny thing is that, the point was to just get dinner, dishes, and cleaning done, but it turned into the perfect way to spend time together, and a time to recognize that each one of us was contributing to the household. It made us a better couple in just 2 weeks.
So now I'm working on tweaking other areas of our lives. Already, I've exercised every day this week. It's been tricky, but it is working. I'm not sure I've found the perfect place for exercising in my routine right now, but it's close, and I feel like I have the power to change and adapt to make my life exactly what I want it to be.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Things That Make Me Feel Loved 2
The other night, I came home and made a simple but nice dinner for us.
While I was getting things ready (in my clean kitchen, yeah!), Mark came in and chatted with me, and we talked about our work days. It was a fun, relaxing dinner-making experience.
Ever since I started this life order plan, I've become an insane cooking/cleaning robot - kind of like the robot maid on the Jetson's... What was her name? Ooh, I remember! Rosie!! Yep, like her. If something gets dirty, I wheel over and clean it.
Anyway! I know that this turns Mark's world upside down. His things are moved, and his life is all of a sudden being overtaken by me. Sure, it's more organized, but things aren't where he left them.
So, that night, I made dinner and went into general freak-out mode trying to get the main dish finished at the same time as the sides. I finally had everything cooked, ready to eat, and thought, "I didn't set the table! Or get drinks! Or, or... or..." I turned around, and...
The table was set, our drinks ready too, and Mark was standing there with his plate, ready to dig in. That's 2!
I know I'm acting crazy right now... Finding life order is surprisingly hectic, but to turn around and see that not only had he appreciated everything I've done, he even contributed to my ultimate quest for life order!
What it comes down to is, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if all of this is my way of coping with loss, or my way of grieving... And if I don't know what I'm doing, he definitely doesn't know what I'm doing. But it didn't matter - he jumped in anyway.
If this was a real quest, back in the days of knights and dragons, and I was a crazy knight, he would most definitely be my loopy sidekick... the one who followed me into the dark, evil forest, who returned with me by his side and said... (Hmm, what would he say?) Probably, "That was a really bad idea..."
While I was getting things ready (in my clean kitchen, yeah!), Mark came in and chatted with me, and we talked about our work days. It was a fun, relaxing dinner-making experience.
Ever since I started this life order plan, I've become an insane cooking/cleaning robot - kind of like the robot maid on the Jetson's... What was her name? Ooh, I remember! Rosie!! Yep, like her. If something gets dirty, I wheel over and clean it.
Side thought: Maybe all I've done is absorb the chaos that used to be in my apartment! It had to go somewhere right?? Isn't that Newton's Law of Motion? Yes, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. No, no, maybe it's more like stored or potential energy. [Using my mind to time-travel back to my high school Physics class, but unfortunately it's the day that we're learning about convex and concave lenses... No use. Well, I'm sure it's applicable on some level or in some metaphorical way but... I'm suddenly distracted by Ben, my cute lab partner... Hmmm...]
Anyway! I know that this turns Mark's world upside down. His things are moved, and his life is all of a sudden being overtaken by me. Sure, it's more organized, but things aren't where he left them.
So, that night, I made dinner and went into general freak-out mode trying to get the main dish finished at the same time as the sides. I finally had everything cooked, ready to eat, and thought, "I didn't set the table! Or get drinks! Or, or... or..." I turned around, and...
The table was set, our drinks ready too, and Mark was standing there with his plate, ready to dig in. That's 2!
I know I'm acting crazy right now... Finding life order is surprisingly hectic, but to turn around and see that not only had he appreciated everything I've done, he even contributed to my ultimate quest for life order!
What it comes down to is, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if all of this is my way of coping with loss, or my way of grieving... And if I don't know what I'm doing, he definitely doesn't know what I'm doing. But it didn't matter - he jumped in anyway.
If this was a real quest, back in the days of knights and dragons, and I was a crazy knight, he would most definitely be my loopy sidekick... the one who followed me into the dark, evil forest, who returned with me by his side and said... (Hmm, what would he say?) Probably, "That was a really bad idea..."
*Yaaaaaaaaaawn*
So I'm serious about this exercise plan. I have a few options:
I am going to *try* to walk every day at lunch. (I did today!)
If that fails, I'll have to do something at home.
At home, I can plan to do something outdoors - a walk, or go swimming.
If those things Fail, I have an "Exercise Escape Plan":
This involves stretching while watching TV. Our company's ergonomics guy said that this is OK to do, especially to take a break from exercising some nights and just do some stretching. Hmm, that sounds like a good plan for tonight - just some stretching. Probably not good to start my exercise routine with only stretching. Haha!
I know one thing for sure - if I'm going to do this, I have to implement it into one of the activities I already do (in case I don't have time). I usually get in from work and watch TV while doing more work for freelance clients. Maybe on nights with no freelance work, I can exercise during that time.
I wonder if YouTube has any fun exercise videos! Never thought of that! :-)
And maybe it would help to have an actual checklist that I check off every day for all my tasks. I really love the "Awesome Note" app for the iPod Touch or iPhone. I might start using that more. Maybe something on the blog too... off to investigate some NEW things!
I am going to *try* to walk every day at lunch. (I did today!)
If that fails, I'll have to do something at home.
At home, I can plan to do something outdoors - a walk, or go swimming.
If those things Fail, I have an "Exercise Escape Plan":
This involves stretching while watching TV. Our company's ergonomics guy said that this is OK to do, especially to take a break from exercising some nights and just do some stretching. Hmm, that sounds like a good plan for tonight - just some stretching. Probably not good to start my exercise routine with only stretching. Haha!
I know one thing for sure - if I'm going to do this, I have to implement it into one of the activities I already do (in case I don't have time). I usually get in from work and watch TV while doing more work for freelance clients. Maybe on nights with no freelance work, I can exercise during that time.
I wonder if YouTube has any fun exercise videos! Never thought of that! :-)
And maybe it would help to have an actual checklist that I check off every day for all my tasks. I really love the "Awesome Note" app for the iPod Touch or iPhone. I might start using that more. Maybe something on the blog too... off to investigate some NEW things!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Losing Momentum
So I have to say that as well as things are going, I am slightly losing momentum for this project. The thing is that, it's working right now. I've reached some level of satisfaction in what I was trying to achieve, so my brain is ready to move on to a new project.
I think the only solution is to take on a new part of the plan (maybe the exercise part), though I'm not very inspired by that idea.
The problem is that my life is still far from orderly. In fact, this morning I woke up late and had to implement the 20-minute get-ready plan!
Here are a few tips if you find yourself in the same predicament!
First, try to figure out which morning tasks you can do at the same time as other tasks. Maybe you can condition your hair while washing your face or go to the bathroom while brushing your teeth.
Personally, I tend to brush my teeth while doing lots of things, like picking out my clothes, etc.
It's also absolutely necessary to jump in the shower and wash your hair. If needed, you can skip conditioning, shaving your legs (make sure you have pants to wear), and washing your face and body. It's not ideal, but it'll do in a pinch. I've minimized my shower routine to 5 minutes! And no foul odors! Saves water too!
Skip breakfast (unfortunately). Once at the office, you can sip on coffee or water, or sneak out to grab a quick snack. Plan on buying lunch that day. You most likely won't have time to make a sandwich!
Throw on some clothes... just about anything will do. Today I found myself in the parking lot at work wearing a tank top that fits more like a sports-bra - not exactly work appropriate. Luckily I keep a spare sweatshirt in the car. It will be a little toasty around high Noon when the sun is beaming on the aluminum siding of our office building, but it'll keep Sam in IT from having a hot flash when you bump into him in the hallway sporting some serious cleavage.
If you don't have time to dry your hair, keep a headband or hair ties on hand. A quick pony tail will do. If you have bangs that curl, like I do, you may want to take the extra 2 minutes to blow dry each side of your bangs - just the front, a minute on each side. You may still appear a little frazzled (you will be), but it's better than strolling in looking like a rabid seagull flew into your car and attempted to mate with your forehead.
If needed, freshen up at the office. Throw on some makeup and try to make "frazzled" look "fun". It helps to toss your hair back and laugh or just act busy. Supervisors like that.
I think the only solution is to take on a new part of the plan (maybe the exercise part), though I'm not very inspired by that idea.
The problem is that my life is still far from orderly. In fact, this morning I woke up late and had to implement the 20-minute get-ready plan!
Here are a few tips if you find yourself in the same predicament!
First, try to figure out which morning tasks you can do at the same time as other tasks. Maybe you can condition your hair while washing your face or go to the bathroom while brushing your teeth.
Personally, I tend to brush my teeth while doing lots of things, like picking out my clothes, etc.
It's also absolutely necessary to jump in the shower and wash your hair. If needed, you can skip conditioning, shaving your legs (make sure you have pants to wear), and washing your face and body. It's not ideal, but it'll do in a pinch. I've minimized my shower routine to 5 minutes! And no foul odors! Saves water too!
Skip breakfast (unfortunately). Once at the office, you can sip on coffee or water, or sneak out to grab a quick snack. Plan on buying lunch that day. You most likely won't have time to make a sandwich!
Throw on some clothes... just about anything will do. Today I found myself in the parking lot at work wearing a tank top that fits more like a sports-bra - not exactly work appropriate. Luckily I keep a spare sweatshirt in the car. It will be a little toasty around high Noon when the sun is beaming on the aluminum siding of our office building, but it'll keep Sam in IT from having a hot flash when you bump into him in the hallway sporting some serious cleavage.
If you don't have time to dry your hair, keep a headband or hair ties on hand. A quick pony tail will do. If you have bangs that curl, like I do, you may want to take the extra 2 minutes to blow dry each side of your bangs - just the front, a minute on each side. You may still appear a little frazzled (you will be), but it's better than strolling in looking like a rabid seagull flew into your car and attempted to mate with your forehead.
If needed, freshen up at the office. Throw on some makeup and try to make "frazzled" look "fun". It helps to toss your hair back and laugh or just act busy. Supervisors like that.
A Little Help Please!
So, everything has been just swell around the house! As previously mentioned, the cooking and cleaning tasks are going really well. I've been able to do my 3 main cleaning tasks each day, which has helped tremendously. Exercise is the one thing I really need to try to work into my schedule this week. Except for our few walks and running around the kitchen cooking like a maniac, we haven't done much else.
I have to say, though, just figuring out a few things in my schedule has made other parts of my life fall into place. I highly recommend that other people reorganize their lives from time to time.
By making time for dinner, we've had more time to sit and talk. It's been great for our relationship. After dinner, he helps me with the dishes. A chore that would usually take me 20-25 minutes now takes just 10! And it's just more fun to do any task with good company!
Sometimes when he's running around helping me, he looks almost terrified. I'm pretty sure he's scared that I'll either stop cooking meals or go into freak-out mode because he's not sufficiently contributing to my insane plan for life order.
He says he simply appreciates all I've done and wants to make it easier on me. Whatever the reason, it does make me feel appreciated, and I'm not going to give up on this plan, especially with his support!
I have to say, though, just figuring out a few things in my schedule has made other parts of my life fall into place. I highly recommend that other people reorganize their lives from time to time.
By making time for dinner, we've had more time to sit and talk. It's been great for our relationship. After dinner, he helps me with the dishes. A chore that would usually take me 20-25 minutes now takes just 10! And it's just more fun to do any task with good company!
Sometimes when he's running around helping me, he looks almost terrified. I'm pretty sure he's scared that I'll either stop cooking meals or go into freak-out mode because he's not sufficiently contributing to my insane plan for life order.
He says he simply appreciates all I've done and wants to make it easier on me. Whatever the reason, it does make me feel appreciated, and I'm not going to give up on this plan, especially with his support!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Saturday!
Just a quick update - I'm enjoying my Saturday and don't want to ruin it by thinking too much. :-)The house is still looking great! I haven't done exceptionally well with my schedule - I've only really kept up with my 3 main tasks - keeping the kitchen clean, as well as the tables and living room. And surprisingly it's great!! It's the first step in my plan that's working!
To keep progressing, I'll have to take on some more tasks, but for now, I'm happy!
Overall it was a great week! I got out to take some photos - uploading one with this post. I made more meals, went out for a few walks, and got to spend more time with my husband too.
I can't complain! Goal for next week - exercising more!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
My Hairbrush!
I don't have a lot of time to post today. But it doesn't matter. I've pinpointed one thing in my life that I needed to change, and changing it has made a world of difference.
It's my hairbrush!! Of all things. How many mornings have I been up bright and early, ready to take on the day, then had to spend 25 minutes looking for my hairbrush? Too many!
And do you know what that meant for the day?? Not just messy hair, but late to work, no breakfast, and an all-around OFF day.
Well, no more!! Every time I use my hairbrush, I put it back in a basket where I keep my hairdryer and straightener. Just my hairbrush.
We'll talk about the keys later... For now, I've saved myself 25 minutes of stress in the morning!
It's my hairbrush!! Of all things. How many mornings have I been up bright and early, ready to take on the day, then had to spend 25 minutes looking for my hairbrush? Too many!
And do you know what that meant for the day?? Not just messy hair, but late to work, no breakfast, and an all-around OFF day.
Well, no more!! Every time I use my hairbrush, I put it back in a basket where I keep my hairdryer and straightener. Just my hairbrush.
We'll talk about the keys later... For now, I've saved myself 25 minutes of stress in the morning!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Dear Abby
This morning Dear Abby posted responses to a letter from a previous writer about working hard versus hardly working.
The original writer was a supervisor who felt there was a lack of effort in the work place, that her employees were spending too much time away from work attending school/family functions and beauty-related appointments. "Abby" wrote back to let her know that as long as people were using their allotted personal time to take care of personal matters, she didn't see a problem. [It's personal time, and quite frankly, the supervisor should mind her own business about how they're using that time.]
Many people wrote to defend the employees as well, but others agreed with the supervisor--that there was a lack of effort in the workforce today.
Only one person brought up the fact that most work places have different generations working together, and that their ideas about integrating work life and personal life are also different.
This reminded me of two of my previous coworkers - "S" (a secretary in her 50s) and "R" (a designer in her 20s). S came in every single day at 8:30am and never stopped working for a minute. If there was nothing to do in terms of office work, she would clean or organize. She was always on top of every project, very rarely had a doctor's appointment, and the office could not function without her. She would stay until at least 6pm even if there was nothing left for her to do, and she didn't get paid overtime. She was overworked and stressed.
R possessed all the same qualities, except she arrived at the office at 7am, stepped out for a coffee break or appointment about 11, and went for an hour-long run in the afternoon. She worked quickly and would leave promptly at 5 or stay later when needed. She was one of our strongest employees who worked as much if not more overtime than S, without overtime pay. She was available for the clients all day, adapted to their schedule, but also integrated her personal time into her work day. She was physically and emotionally healthy too.
The supervisor (a woman in her 50s) constantly compared R and the other designers to S, saying that none of them worked as hard as S did. It was also expected that we would put in overtime "even if there really wasn't anything to do..." because it "looked better to the boss."
A friend was told the exact same thing almost word-for-word at the company where she worked: "Just stay until 6:00 each night, even if you don't have anything to do. It looks like you're busy." And, "Try to be up and moving around in the afternoon, looking busy."
Her response, "I'm too busy to get up, walk around the office, and pretend to be busy." Also, "pretending to be busy" seems much less important than starting an hour commute to get home and spend time with family.
The older generation literally wanted us to create the illusion of being busy. That was more important than spending time with family or in some cases actually getting the work done!
I know that a few design magazines have addressed the issue of different generations in the workplace. I even gave one of the articles to my previous supervisor who must have been "too busy" to read it. I can only hope that eventually more people will become aware of this problem. And I'm proud of our generation for knowing how important it is to balance work and family time.
As I write this, one of our employees is playing a sound clip on their computer of someone whistling--a casual little tune rising above the "cube-farm". It seems fitting.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Where are my Readers?
So, according to my blogger web stats, I have 327 viewers. Some of these viewers may actually just be me viewing my blog multiple times, but I also have some viewers who are not me (in Canada and France).
Please feel free to follow me on Twitter, or send me an email at: notesEG@gmail.com... I'd like to learn more about my readers!
Things That Make Me Feel Loved
So we went to the counselor the other day. Dealing with everything we're going through, I thought it would help.She wanted me to name 3 things that Mark could do for me that I thought would make me feel loved or help me reconnect with him.
I couldn't think of one thing. I just knew I wasn't feeling like myself, that I was pushing him away, but I had no idea what I needed to help fix that.
We caught a movie on Sunday, and he shared his Junior Mints with me at the theater. I looked at him and whispered, "I love you." He said, "What??" as if he couldn't hear me. I leaned closer and whispered in his ear: "I love you." He leaned back close to me and said, "I have a confession... I heard you the first time."
Me (with butterflies in my stomach): "That's 1."
Monday, July 19, 2010
Cleaning & Exercise
Cleaning
So I know I've talked about cleaning mostly so far, but that's because it's my biggest challenge.
This week, I'm implementing a "maintenance" cleaning plan. In the First Draft of my schedule, I had set aside a half hour of cleaning time. I want to stick to that same general schedule.
In that half hour each evening, I'd like to do the following. These are The Main 3 things that will keep my apartment in order for myself and/or unexpected company:
How about my week looks like this:
Monday - The Main 3
Tuesday - The Main 3 + Dusting
Wednesday - The Main 3
Thursday - The Main 3 + Bathroom Sink & Toilet
Friday - The Main 3
Saturday - The Main 3 + Floors
Sunday - The Main 3 + Shopping/Clean Out Fridge
Week 2 would be:
Monday - The Main 3
Tuesday - The Main 3 + Pick Up Guest Room
Wednesday - The Main 3
Thursday - The Main 3 + Bathtub
Friday - The Main 3
Saturday - The Main 3 + Pick up Bedroom
Sunday - The Main 3 + Shopping/Clean Out Fridge
This is just a start - we'll see how it evolves.
Exercise
The only thing I've figured out about exercising is that it has to be fun. We've had the most success with swimming, walking, and me personally, dancing. I'm a terrible dancer - but music is what inspires me! I love the Wii game - Just Dance, and I love learning dance moves from music videos, or just dancing like a goof with my iPod on. I'm definitely going to be working on exercise this week!
So I know I've talked about cleaning mostly so far, but that's because it's my biggest challenge.
This week, I'm implementing a "maintenance" cleaning plan. In the First Draft of my schedule, I had set aside a half hour of cleaning time. I want to stick to that same general schedule.
In that half hour each evening, I'd like to do the following. These are The Main 3 things that will keep my apartment in order for myself and/or unexpected company:
- Have my kitchen clean (This can happen as part of dinner/dishes time too.)
- Clear off the dining room table/kitchen table
- Pick up the living room
How about my week looks like this:
Monday - The Main 3
Tuesday - The Main 3 + Dusting
Wednesday - The Main 3
Thursday - The Main 3 + Bathroom Sink & Toilet
Friday - The Main 3
Saturday - The Main 3 + Floors
Sunday - The Main 3 + Shopping/Clean Out Fridge
Week 2 would be:
Monday - The Main 3
Tuesday - The Main 3 + Pick Up Guest Room
Wednesday - The Main 3
Thursday - The Main 3 + Bathtub
Friday - The Main 3
Saturday - The Main 3 + Pick up Bedroom
Sunday - The Main 3 + Shopping/Clean Out Fridge
This is just a start - we'll see how it evolves.
Exercise
The only thing I've figured out about exercising is that it has to be fun. We've had the most success with swimming, walking, and me personally, dancing. I'm a terrible dancer - but music is what inspires me! I love the Wii game - Just Dance, and I love learning dance moves from music videos, or just dancing like a goof with my iPod on. I'm definitely going to be working on exercise this week!
While You're Busy Making Other Plans...
Well, it was a great weekend of rest, relaxation, rowdiness, and realization!!
My sister informed me that she was arriving for the weekend early with her husband and daughter in tow. She would be at the house about 5:30, so I got out of work at 4, rushed to the grocery store to get her a cake (late birthday party), and some things for lunch - if all else failed, we could eat sandwiches!
I got to the apartment and implemented the 30-minute cleaning plan. It took a little longer though... I wanted to take on some extra tasks required for more than just a quick afternoon visit. The bathroom had to be scrubbed, kitchen cleaned, and floors swept if nothing else. I did it - and just in time for their arrival!
We had a great weekend at the beach, park, ice cream shop, and just hanging out around the house.
Most housework was left undone, except for my sister going around and helping to pick up. We spent all day Saturday laughing, playing, and dancing. My niece is almost 3 years old, and she tells the best stories. It didn't matter if the house wasn't perfect - she loved all the magnets on my fridge and my collectible cows. At one point she came into my room while I was folding some laundry.
I told her, "This is the messy room...." She looked around and assessed the situation, then smiled up at me and said, "I like messy rooms." I got a little teary eyed. After all I'd been working for... it just didn't matter to her. Not only did it not matter, she liked it. I gave her a big smile and said, "Me too."
I needed that reminder, that it's not just about getting my life together. What I'm really striving for is the time to step back and appreciate the little things. This weekend, I skipped cleaning to dance. I forgot about breakfast, so we could play music and sing. My sister and I reconnected over a table of dirty dishes after dinner.
Later we took care of everything together. My sister brought me breakfast while I was drawing pictures with her daughter. We took care of each other, so each one of us could let go and live a little.
I promise myself on this journey, I will not lose sight of what this is really about. That's part of the "realization".
The other part is maintenance. I woke up this morning knowing that I can't take on one room or one big project each night. I have to just maintain an overall sense of order in the house - not mind-numbing, sterile order, but not complete chaos either - something in between. And I can't work with a schedule - it needs to be a guide. An overall guide to being me and to doing what I want to do.
Maybe that's why the Housewife's Guide from 1955 was called a "guide". They must have been leaving room for a little chaos.
My sister informed me that she was arriving for the weekend early with her husband and daughter in tow. She would be at the house about 5:30, so I got out of work at 4, rushed to the grocery store to get her a cake (late birthday party), and some things for lunch - if all else failed, we could eat sandwiches!
I got to the apartment and implemented the 30-minute cleaning plan. It took a little longer though... I wanted to take on some extra tasks required for more than just a quick afternoon visit. The bathroom had to be scrubbed, kitchen cleaned, and floors swept if nothing else. I did it - and just in time for their arrival!
We had a great weekend at the beach, park, ice cream shop, and just hanging out around the house.
Most housework was left undone, except for my sister going around and helping to pick up. We spent all day Saturday laughing, playing, and dancing. My niece is almost 3 years old, and she tells the best stories. It didn't matter if the house wasn't perfect - she loved all the magnets on my fridge and my collectible cows. At one point she came into my room while I was folding some laundry.
I told her, "This is the messy room...." She looked around and assessed the situation, then smiled up at me and said, "I like messy rooms." I got a little teary eyed. After all I'd been working for... it just didn't matter to her. Not only did it not matter, she liked it. I gave her a big smile and said, "Me too."
I needed that reminder, that it's not just about getting my life together. What I'm really striving for is the time to step back and appreciate the little things. This weekend, I skipped cleaning to dance. I forgot about breakfast, so we could play music and sing. My sister and I reconnected over a table of dirty dishes after dinner.
Later we took care of everything together. My sister brought me breakfast while I was drawing pictures with her daughter. We took care of each other, so each one of us could let go and live a little.
I promise myself on this journey, I will not lose sight of what this is really about. That's part of the "realization".
The other part is maintenance. I woke up this morning knowing that I can't take on one room or one big project each night. I have to just maintain an overall sense of order in the house - not mind-numbing, sterile order, but not complete chaos either - something in between. And I can't work with a schedule - it needs to be a guide. An overall guide to being me and to doing what I want to do.
Maybe that's why the Housewife's Guide from 1955 was called a "guide". They must have been leaving room for a little chaos.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Dried Flowers
Last night I got home at a decent time and jumped right into cleaning up the apartment. I picked out a few "fun" things to do - because I like to design and organize spaces. This included clearing the table to make room for grandma's blue bowl and candle holders, picking up the living room, and organizing the shelves in the bathroom.
I also hung up Mark's cow clock that he got for his birthday - complete with a swinging tongue for a pendulum. It looked so cute over my sink, but I had to throw out the dried flowers that had been hanging there for years. They were from Mark's other grandmother's funeral. They were falling apart. They also were beginning to remind me of death, and having experienced a loss ourselves lately, I was ready to fill the house with freshness and life!
When Mark got home, he was happy to see the cow but not so happy to find the old flowers in the garbage. He picked them from the trash and spread them out on my clean table. I came out of the bathroom and saw them there... and in that moment they became more than just old, crackling, nasty, garbage-stinking flowers. They were a roadblock on the path to home organization.
I lost it.
I just broke down and cried. He got angry, and I refused to budge. The flowers had to go. I was so upset, I started cleaning angrily (not recommended). He eventually asked me to take some photos of them, so I did - and I promise to make it up to him by doing something nice with those pictures. But I can't tell you how relieved I was to get rid of the dried flowers.
It's not that I don't love and respect his things or that I don't care about the sentimental value they hold for him. It was just that, in that one moment, they were keeping me from doing what I need to do - prepare my house for a new life, a new home where we can live comfortably. I need to become the wife I was meant to be, and more than that the adult I'm supposed to be. And eventually, a mom. How can I take care of someone else if I can barely take care of myself?
Maybe all I'm doing is trying to prove to someone that I can be that person.
I also hung up Mark's cow clock that he got for his birthday - complete with a swinging tongue for a pendulum. It looked so cute over my sink, but I had to throw out the dried flowers that had been hanging there for years. They were from Mark's other grandmother's funeral. They were falling apart. They also were beginning to remind me of death, and having experienced a loss ourselves lately, I was ready to fill the house with freshness and life!
When Mark got home, he was happy to see the cow but not so happy to find the old flowers in the garbage. He picked them from the trash and spread them out on my clean table. I came out of the bathroom and saw them there... and in that moment they became more than just old, crackling, nasty, garbage-stinking flowers. They were a roadblock on the path to home organization.
I lost it.
I just broke down and cried. He got angry, and I refused to budge. The flowers had to go. I was so upset, I started cleaning angrily (not recommended). He eventually asked me to take some photos of them, so I did - and I promise to make it up to him by doing something nice with those pictures. But I can't tell you how relieved I was to get rid of the dried flowers.
It's not that I don't love and respect his things or that I don't care about the sentimental value they hold for him. It was just that, in that one moment, they were keeping me from doing what I need to do - prepare my house for a new life, a new home where we can live comfortably. I need to become the wife I was meant to be, and more than that the adult I'm supposed to be. And eventually, a mom. How can I take care of someone else if I can barely take care of myself?
Maybe all I'm doing is trying to prove to someone that I can be that person.
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