A Little Help Please!

So, everything has been just swell around the house! As previously mentioned, the cooking and cleaning tasks are going really well. I've been able to do my 3 main cleaning tasks each day, which has helped tremendously. Exercise is the one thing I really need to try to work into my schedule this week. Except for our few walks and running around the kitchen cooking like a maniac, we haven't done much else.

I have to say, though, just figuring out a few things in my schedule has made other parts of my life fall into place. I highly recommend that other people reorganize their lives from time to time.

By making time for dinner, we've had more time to sit and talk. It's been great for our relationship. After dinner, he helps me with the dishes. A chore that would usually take me 20-25 minutes now takes just 10! And it's just more fun to do any task with good company!

Sometimes when he's running around helping me, he looks almost terrified. I'm pretty sure he's scared that I'll either stop cooking meals or go into freak-out mode because he's not sufficiently contributing to my insane plan for life order.

He says he simply appreciates all I've done and wants to make it easier on me. Whatever the reason, it does make me feel appreciated, and I'm not going to give up on this plan, especially with his support!

Saturday!

Just a quick update - I'm enjoying my Saturday and don't want to ruin it by thinking too much. :-)

The house is still looking great! I haven't done exceptionally well with my schedule - I've only really kept up with my 3 main tasks - keeping the kitchen clean, as well as the tables and living room. And surprisingly it's great!! It's the first step in my plan that's working!

To keep progressing, I'll have to take on some more tasks, but for now, I'm happy!

Overall it was a great week! I got out to take some photos - uploading one with this post. I made more meals, went out for a few walks, and got to spend more time with my husband too.

I can't complain! Goal for next week - exercising more!

My Hairbrush!

I don't have a lot of time to post today. But it doesn't matter. I've pinpointed one thing in my life that I needed to change, and changing it has made a world of difference.

It's my hairbrush!! Of all things. How many mornings have I been up bright and early, ready to take on the day, then had to spend 25 minutes looking for my hairbrush? Too many!

And do you know what that meant for the day?? Not just messy hair, but late to work, no breakfast, and an all-around OFF day.

Well, no more!! Every time I use my hairbrush, I put it back in a basket where I keep my hairdryer and straightener. Just my hairbrush.

We'll talk about the keys later... For now, I've saved myself 25 minutes of stress in the morning!

Dear Abby

This morning Dear Abby posted responses to a letter from a previous writer about working hard versus hardly working.

The original writer was a supervisor who felt there was a lack of effort in the work place, that her employees were spending too much time away from work attending school/family functions and beauty-related appointments. "Abby" wrote back to let her know that as long as people were using their allotted personal time to take care of personal matters, she didn't see a problem. [It's personal time, and quite frankly, the supervisor should mind her own business about how they're using that time.]

Many people wrote to defend the employees as well, but others agreed with the supervisor--that there was a lack of effort in the workforce today.

Only one person brought up the fact that most work places have different generations working together, and that their ideas about integrating work life and personal life are also different.

This reminded me of two of my previous coworkers - "S" (a secretary in her 50s) and "R" (a designer in her 20s). S came in every single day at 8:30am and never stopped working for a minute. If there was nothing to do in terms of office work, she would clean or organize. She was always on top of every project, very rarely had a doctor's appointment, and the office could not function without her. She would stay until at least 6pm even if there was nothing left for her to do, and she didn't get paid overtime. She was overworked and stressed.

R possessed all the same qualities, except she arrived at the office at 7am, stepped out for a coffee break or appointment about 11, and went for an hour-long run in the afternoon. She worked quickly and would leave promptly at 5 or stay later when needed. She was one of our strongest employees who worked as much if not more overtime than S, without overtime pay. She was available for the clients all day, adapted to their schedule, but also integrated her personal time into her work day. She was physically and emotionally healthy too.

The supervisor (a woman in her 50s) constantly compared R and the other designers to S, saying that none of them worked as hard as S did. It was also expected that we would put in overtime "even if there really wasn't anything to do..." because it "looked better to the boss."

A friend was told the exact same thing almost word-for-word at the company where she worked: "Just stay until 6:00 each night, even if you don't have anything to do. It looks like you're busy." And, "Try to be up and moving around in the afternoon, looking busy."

Her response, "I'm too busy to get up, walk around the office, and pretend to be busy." Also, "pretending to be busy" seems much less important than starting an hour commute to get home and spend time with family.

The older generation literally wanted us to create the illusion of being busy. That was more important than spending time with family or in some cases actually getting the work done!

I know that a few design magazines have addressed the issue of different generations in the workplace. I even gave one of the articles to my previous supervisor who must have been "too busy" to read it. I can only hope that eventually more people will become aware of this problem. And I'm proud of our generation for knowing how important it is to balance work and family time.

As I write this, one of our employees is playing a sound clip on their computer of someone whistling--a casual little tune rising above the "cube-farm". It seems fitting.

Where are my Readers?

 
So, according to my blogger web stats, I have 327 viewers. Some of these viewers may actually just be me viewing my blog multiple times, but I also have some viewers who are not me (in Canada and France).

Please feel free to follow me on Twitter, or send me an email at: notesEG@gmail.com... I'd like to learn more about my readers!

Things That Make Me Feel Loved

So we went to the counselor the other day. Dealing with everything we're going through, I thought it would help.

She wanted me to name 3 things that Mark could do for me that I thought would make me feel loved or help me reconnect with him.

I couldn't think of one thing. I just knew I wasn't feeling like myself, that I was pushing him away, but I had no idea what I needed to help fix that.

We caught a movie on Sunday, and he shared his Junior Mints with me at the theater. I looked at him and whispered, "I love you." He said, "What??" as if he couldn't hear me. I leaned closer and whispered in his ear: "I love you." He leaned back close to me and said, "I have a confession... I heard you the first time."

Me (with butterflies in my stomach): "That's 1."

Cleaning & Exercise

Cleaning
So I know I've talked about cleaning mostly so far, but that's because it's my biggest challenge.

This week, I'm implementing a "maintenance" cleaning plan. In the First Draft of my schedule, I had set aside a half hour of cleaning time. I want to stick to that same general schedule.

In that half hour each evening, I'd like to do the following. These are The Main 3 things that will keep my apartment in order for myself and/or unexpected company:

1. Have my kitchen clean (This can happen as part of dinner/dishes time too.)
2. Clear off the dining room table/kitchen table
3. Pick up the living room

I'm hoping that will all take less than a half hour (considering I do this each night). Then maybe 3 nights each week, I add one bigger task to the list.

How about my week looks like this:
Monday - The Main 3
Tuesday - The Main 3 + Dusting
Wednesday - The Main 3
Thursday - The Main 3 + Bathroom Sink & Toilet
Friday - The Main 3
Saturday - The Main 3 + Floors
Sunday - The Main 3 + Shopping/Clean Out Fridge

Week 2 would be:
Monday - The Main 3
Tuesday - The Main 3 + Pick Up Guest Room
Wednesday - The Main 3
Thursday - The Main 3 + Bathtub
Friday - The Main 3
Saturday - The Main 3 + Pick up Bedroom
Sunday - The Main 3 + Shopping/Clean Out Fridge

This is just a start - we'll see how it evolves.

Exercise
The only thing I've figured out about exercising is that it has to be fun. We've had the most success with swimming, walking, and me personally, dancing. I'm a terrible dancer - but music is what inspires me! I love the Wii game - Just Dance, and I love learning dance moves from music videos, or just dancing like a goof with my iPod on. I'm definitely going to be working on exercise this week!

While You're Busy Making Other Plans...

Well, it was a great weekend of rest, relaxation, rowdiness, and realization!!

My sister informed me that she was arriving for the weekend early with her husband and daughter in tow. She would be at the house about 5:30, so I got out of work at 4, rushed to the grocery store to get her a cake (late birthday party), and some things for lunch - if all else failed, we could eat sandwiches!

I got to the apartment and implemented the 30-minute cleaning plan. It took a little longer though... I wanted to take on some extra tasks required for more than just a quick afternoon visit. The bathroom had to be scrubbed, kitchen cleaned, and floors swept if nothing else. I did it - and just in time for their arrival!

We had a great weekend at the beach, park, ice cream shop, and just hanging out around the house.

Most housework was left undone, except for my sister going around and helping to pick up. We spent all day Saturday laughing, playing, and dancing. My niece is almost 3 years old, and she tells the best stories. It didn't matter if the house wasn't perfect - she loved all the magnets on my fridge and my collectible cows. At one point she came into my room while I was folding some laundry.

I told her, "This is the messy room...." She looked around and assessed the situation, then smiled up at me and said, "I like messy rooms." I got a little teary eyed. After all I'd been working for... it just didn't matter to her. Not only did it not matter, she liked it. I gave her a big smile and said, "Me too."

I needed that reminder, that it's not just about getting my life together. What I'm really striving for is the time to step back and appreciate the little things. This weekend, I skipped cleaning to dance. I forgot about breakfast, so we could play music and sing. My sister and I reconnected over a table of dirty dishes after dinner.

Later we took care of everything together. My sister brought me breakfast while I was drawing pictures with her daughter. We took care of each other, so each one of us could let go and live a little.

I promise myself on this journey, I will not lose sight of what this is really about. That's part of the "realization".

The other part is maintenance. I woke up this morning knowing that I can't take on one room or one big project each night. I have to just maintain an overall sense of order in the house - not mind-numbing, sterile order, but not complete chaos either - something in between. And I can't work with a schedule - it needs to be a guide. An overall guide to being me and to doing what I want to do.

Maybe that's why the Housewife's Guide from 1955 was called a "guide". They must have been leaving room for a little chaos.

Dried Flowers

Last night I got home at a decent time and jumped right into cleaning up the apartment. I picked out a few "fun" things to do - because I like to design and organize spaces. This included clearing the table to make room for grandma's blue bowl and candle holders, picking up the living room, and organizing the shelves in the bathroom.

I also hung up Mark's cow clock that he got for his birthday - complete with a swinging tongue for a pendulum. It looked so cute over my sink, but I had to throw out the dried flowers that had been hanging there for years. They were from Mark's other grandmother's funeral. They were falling apart. They also were beginning to remind me of death, and having experienced a loss ourselves lately, I was ready to fill the house with freshness and life!

When Mark got home, he was happy to see the cow but not so happy to find the old flowers in the garbage. He picked them from the trash and spread them out on my clean table. I came out of the bathroom and saw them there... and in that moment they became more than just old, crackling, nasty, garbage-stinking flowers. They were a roadblock on the path to home organization.

I lost it.

I just broke down and cried. He got angry, and I refused to budge. The flowers had to go. I was so upset, I started cleaning angrily (not recommended). He eventually asked me to take some photos of them, so I did - and I promise to make it up to him by doing something nice with those pictures. But I can't tell you how relieved I was to get rid of the dried flowers.

It's not that I don't love and respect his things or that I don't care about the sentimental value they hold for him. It was just that, in that one moment, they were keeping me from doing what I need to do - prepare my house for a new life, a new home where we can live comfortably. I need to become the wife I was meant to be, and more than that the adult I'm supposed to be. And eventually, a mom. How can I take care of someone else if I can barely take care of myself?

Maybe all I'm doing is trying to prove to someone that I can be that person.

Dessert

I just realized something... as I finished eating my lunch. Every time I eat a meal, besides breakfast, I feel like I want dessert. And not only want, but deserve it. Why?

All I did was eat a sandwich. This must be left over from Mom's "If you eat your peas, you can have a cookie..." days.

This raises a big question for me - Does our generation feel more entitled to things we haven't really earned? I used to be able to watch TV but only after I finished my homework. Then as I became an adult, I learned very quickly that I didn't have to earn some things at all - that I could just instantly reward myself. It almost feels like I'm rebelling against my parents' reward system. Or worse - their strong work ethic.

What does this mean for the challenges I'll face implementing my routine? Will I give up if I'm not immediately rewarded for my efforts?

My hope is that the "reward" happens on a much larger scale, and that we fall into a routine that just naturally makes our lives better and gives us the time we need to do everything we want to do.

It's empowering to think that I can create that. I'm going to eat my cookie and think about it some more.

The Guide - In Preparation of His Return

The rest of the Housewife's Guide pretty much continues on about taking good care of your wonderful man (gag). I love the guy, and it does give me "immense personal gratification" to help him sometimes - but I want a little help in return.

Steps 4-5
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dishcloth over the tables.
The two of us will be implementing the "clearing away the clutter" step together, especially since we both work. In your home, you may want to assign this task to your significant other.

Step 6 Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal gratification.

If you want to give each other "a lift", by all means, feel free to light a fire. And what a bonus! Catering to him gives you all the "immense personal gratification" you'll ever need... ;-) Just for fun, I'm going to put on our "Fireside Christmas" DVD when Mark gets home tonight. It'll be a weird contrast next to the AC unit, but ah well!

Step 7
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

If you're lucky enough to have "little treasures", I do think it's nice to bring them to the dinner table with clean hands - for sanitary reasons, but I think the rest of this step can be thrown out the window - Well, maybe save the part about keeping the house quiet, especially at dinner time. That sounds nice.
_______________

One of the most significant things I'm taking away from this guide is the fact that a household runs more smoothly when a husband and wife have their own individual roles in the house. Leave behind the sexist roles of the 1950s, define your own 2010-style roles, and you might find some more order in your house! For example, I make dinner - He does the dishes. He cleans the kitchen and dining room - I scrub the bathroom. He does the laundry - I sit on the couch watching soap operas and eating Oreo cookies. ;-)

So to sum up what I've taken from these steps to add to my own guide:

Steps 4-5: Use that half-hour scheduled cleaning time to pick up clutter or take on one, easy-to-do cleaning task.
Step 6: Over the cooler months, keep a blanket on the couch to cuddle with. Reading by your TV-Fire is a nice touch during relaxation time!
Step 7: Try to keep the children clean (within reason) and quiet enough to have a family dinner together. Other than that, let your little treasures be themselves...

Perfection

So, I couldn't help but notice, after re-reading some of my posts, that I use the word "perfect" a lot.

But, really, the only thing I want out of this is fulfillment - not perfection. I want to come home at night and feel like I can live my life without worrying that I'm neglecting something or someone else. I want to have time to do everything I want to do. If that means scheduling fun time, so be it. I want to know that in that moment, I can do whatever I please. Scheduled chaos!

Sounds impossible.

Maybe it's just that I need to get my life to the point where I can completely fall off the Lysol Wagon, stop cleaning for a week, and not have my apartment completely fall apart - a schedule that I can keep up but that I can abandon and rediscover/redefine as needed.

That's my idea of "perfect" - a schedule that works for me and doesn't hold me down.

________

I went to my grandmother's house last night, and it was so put together. Everything was in its place, easy to find, and clean.

She was so organized. She even said, "Pick out something in the house to have when I die." -How's that for having your ducks in a row?

She picked out something for me - a beautiful cobalt blue glass bowl and candle holders. They were so beautiful, my nesting instincts kicked in, and I wanted to clean the entire apartment to find the perfect place for them.

It made me want to go through everything I own and get rid of all the odds and ends that just don't matter - and hold onto the really special things - another task to add to the To Do list!

The Guide - Evenings

Saturday morning, while continuing my quest for life order, I began researching some old housekeeping guides from the 1950s. Apparently one in particular has been floating around the Internet for awhile - from Housekeeping Monthly, in May of 1955.

Is there anything left to salvage from this bygone-era guide? Just in case, I want to analyze each step over the next few days.

Step 1

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, in time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Well, tonight, let's assume that my husband's favorite dish is tuna salad sandwiches. He does like them a lot. And I admit, I do like to have dinner ready for him if I get home first. It makes me feel like I'm doing something nice for him, and he always appreciates it. --In return, though, if he gets home before me, he'll make sure the kitchen is clean and dishes are done, and help with the dishes after dinner. Those are our roles.

Step 2

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch-up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair, and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Well, forget this. If we were on our way out to dinner, maybe I'd get all "fresh-looking." But at home, he'd be lucky if I hadn't already put on sweats and tied my hair into a messy bun by the time he arrived. And if he's home first, I'd be surprised if he was wearing pants when I got in. Still, I wonder if we both greeted each other at home "refreshed" - would that make a difference in our happy home? Couldn't hurt to try!

Step 3

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift, and one of your duties is to provide it.

I like to think that I'm the type of person who doesn't need to be "a little more interesting". However, we do like to take turns telling each other about our day, and we usually find that we can laugh away the big worries and focus on the important things together - offer solutions to difficult situations or just a shoulder to cry on.

I don't think this is all garbage. It just needs to be updated slightly and customized for me.

How about:

1. Try to plan meals for the week in advance. Simplify them to make evenings easier. (This step is going to be one long journey into meal preparation and kitchen efficiency.)
2. Try to look presentable when you each arrive home. (Wearing pants is preferable.)
3. Talk about your day with each other. (A great time for this would be while out for a walk or having dinner.)

Over the next few days, I'll explore more of the guide and hopefully find some more ideas for a happy home and life order!

Status Update

Yesterday our company arrived, and my apartment was in a state of overall OK-ness. It was far from perfect, but considering that it was family, I wasn't too concerned.

My kitchen and bathroom were clean, and the living room picked up.

We found time to exercise (swimming at the beach!) and have some creative, relaxing time, had dinner out with friends, and came home to relax and do some last-minute picking up.

Monday came all too soon, but I'm ready to explore some meal-planning ideas for next week. This week, money is tight, so we're having mostly soup/sandwich nights. Still, it's the perfect week for me to not worry about food and begin planning a fresh menu for the days to come.

Overall, life is pretty good.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I would rate the following:
Food: 3
Apartment: 5
Exercising: 7
Creativity: 7

Three's Company Too!

When you have company coming to your house on short notice, it's very easy to have a complete meltdown. Trust me, I will probably have one today. Here is a quick guide to getting your apartment company- ready in about 20-30 minutes:

If you're like me, your dining room table gets messy. A quick solution - turn off the light in that room! Let your clutter lurk in the shadows. It may be a little unsettling if a guest wanders in there, but I guarantee they'll be more likely drawn to your sunny, neat rooms - like the kitchen.

In about 10 minutes, you should be able to clear off the kitchen counters and put the dishes in the sink. Even with a full sink, the clean, wiped-down counters give the kitchen a sense of cleanliness.

If you have a table that you usually use for eating instead of the formal dining room table, keep that clutter-free. You can probably clear it off and wipe it down in 5 minutes flat.

Picking up the living room and plumping the pillows is a 10-minute touch that leaves that room looking, well, livable!

It's not perfect - but it will make your home look neater in a pinch. Oh, and don't forget the bathroom! Just close the shower curtain for the time being. Wipe down the toilet. If you're only having female guests, no need to clean past the lid and seat! Pick up any extraneous things on the sink. I like to keep "his" and "hers" buckets on a high shelf in the bathroom. It's a great place to toss makeup, deodorant, and anything else that clutters the sink. If you can wipe quickly, this can be done in about 5 minutes.

Tip: Wipe down only visible counter space. If someone's only stopping by for an afternoon visit (and isn't a health inspector), they shouldn't be looking underneath candles or other decorative items in the bathroom.

Remember that - even though you may see all the little bits of dust in the corner of your bathroom floor, most likely your guests won't. Also keep in mind that elderly guests can barely see anything! They're the easiest ones to prep for!